12/12/12/12/12/12

something to do with time and space, i reckon... reckoning, that's what the mayan's said, or maybe that was the more modern interpretation... in any event (and who knows what events might be any), this entry was written in bits and pieces over the course of time starting last year or before and is all set to be posted at 12 minutes and 12 seconds after 12 on the 12th day of the 12th month of the 12th year in this millennium, for whatever it's worth to numerologists or anyone else...

maybe i will provide some actual daily life before posting, aye?...

ups and downs

life has been presenting a series of lemons of late and sometimes, i tired of making lemonade, no matter how sweet it comes out... and while i can continue to find humor in everything, i also tire of having to look for it or create it, i mean, sometimes i just want the sweet humor to just be, ya know?...

challenges at work from a director who refuses to cooperate with the program (she's got a goal to be less oppositional, but she's very passive aggressive so she is only succeeding on the surface)... unfortunately, most people are professionally superficial there, so... challenges continue...

challenges at softball from the male egos who do not team well...
from drama queens who do not team well... from professionals who are fun, but too busy to team well... ah, grown ups just don't team well... that's why there are so few really good teams... lots of talent, but few teams...

challenges at the social community from the human race into which i have never comfortable assimilated... some of the reasons are above, but mostly, the reasons are beyond explanation in common language, incomprehensible and all that... kind of like god...

ah, in the end, challenges are so amusing (if you see things through my eyes)... so i'll just mosey on off as i do every day (and night), singing softly to myself, whatever i am doing, and laughing at the futility of the challenges... while i may tire of doing it, i still prefer sweet humor to sour or bitter or frustrating challenges, so i'd rather be tired and happy than not tired and sour or bitter or frustrated... so never mind, aye?...

hope your day was amusing too :)

another long day

early to work, from work to softball, from softball home for dinner... decided i wanted barbeque burger and smoked sausage and did it in the oven on broil and it was surprisingly yummy... stupidity and violence fills the news, as usual, which would lead one to believe humnity is best described as stupid and violent... i'm still looking for proof to the contrary because i am a hopeful child...

but hope alone, like wishing or praying, does not fulfill desire...

sigh :}

bright house sucks

two weeks into the service and it's gone, connects for a minute or few at ridiculously slow speed (less than 100kbps) and then disconnects... can't even update the virus files and i have to take time out of my life to wait for a cable guy, twice in the first month...

i desperately need sleep anyway... won't put up with this too long... they must get this a lot cuz the tech guy gave me a free month... so i am back on the att aircard... bad news for brighthouse because the aircard is faster than the brighthouse after a two week trial... and they claim up to 50mbps?... that sucks...

and how are you? :)

frustrating day, still laughing

and euphoric and giddy and by all normal standards, quite bipolarly insane (it's a new diagnostic they missed in the new DMSV, but don't tell anybody cuz they'll look at you all funny-like)...

ATT really seriously majorly amazingly SUCKED today... if i wrote ATT SUCKS a billion times, it would just describe part of the day... i spent from 10am until 7pm trying to find out what the new POP3 and SMTP server addresses were and at least thirty different ATT CSRs left me hanging or hung up (of course it could have been dropped calls after being on hold for up to 55 minutes at a clip)... the fact is, ATT has some amazingly bad customer service people... and their convergesys outsourcing does not help their effacacy... fimbidimblestipts!...

so a bit after 7pm i rush out to work to take care of the admission who came in last night and collected my $100 for just over an hour and stopped at giovanni's and publix on the way home to eat lasagna and stuffed shells and chocolate milk and chocolate pie for dinner and bliss is as easy as that... la dee da dee diddly doo :)

meanwhile, i've got this red spotty itchy rash on my left forearm, a dry scaly rash on my left middle finger, a dry scaly rash on my scalp, an infected wisdom tooth, and a serious case of sniffles... is dr. house in the house?... this body is slowly falling apart and i'm laughing like the joker from batman... can't nothing get me down anymore?...

who knows, but nothing in recent years... it's like i've got a teflon psyche and rubber heart... or silicon... mercury?... it's all metaphorical, ya know...

hope you enjoyed your day even more :)

anybody here?

yeah, i know, it's a hopefulness based on hope alone as i check to see if anybody stopped by any of my online spaces almost every time i return home, especially since starting this e-the-real blog where i stop in for brief updates and the waving the waterboys sang of all those years ago...

another game party with some of the funnest people in orlando and even though i was nodding off and so ready to sleep before i left, a little caffeine and sugar and i was playing and here we are, ten hours later, groggy but more awake than i was... friends and fun and the night...

maybe i'll get two hours sleep before morning practice and somehow i'll get some pants washed (or maybe i'll just stop and buy another pair of pants) for work this week, but after practice i'm hoping i don't stink too much so i can nap somewhere downtown before the party and the afternoon game so i might rejoin the party after the game (hoping i still don't stink too much) and somehow squeeze in getting the pants washed or bought and getting some sleep before starting another work week...

it's not like this is any sort of revelation (speaking of redundant thoughts), but there really are not enough hours in a day on this planet... i need to find a planet with 42 hour days, that is the answer, ya see :)

hope you are enjoying your sleep and your day is even more fun when you wake :)

happy birthday nic

to all ships at sea

and anyone keeping in touch or interested in what's going on in the daily wanderings i loosely call my life... i might have been done by now, but instead, i've dragged my feet for weeks and today included and watched most of the superbowl and so, there's still more packing to do... all night, perhaps, with a deadline of 7am so i can shower and get to work to do orientation training... i should be home by 10am, which will give me an hour or so before the maintenance inspection and another hour or so before the movers get here... it's so exciting to be wondering if i am going to get it all done on time...

the oven is going through it's clean cycle... hopefully it does not set off the seriously sensitive smoke alarm in the middle of the night... i need two large burner trays to replace those cuz i only have small ones, which means i must have used the big new ones somewhere along the way... or gave them away... so a trip out to the store is going to be part of the morning trip to work... by then i should have everything done... and get wrinkly hands, since i must have given away my gloves too...

am i getting tired?... yup... am i getting lonely again?... yup... do i wish someone was here to help, or at least to keep me company?... yup... am i going back to packing and cleaning now?... yup...

lol lam narf :)

continue continue

no, i did not order little ceasar's pizza, just emphasizing what i must do through the night until i am done... breaking for a moment to eat cuz amidst the backing i decided i would cook spaghetti with shrimp and onions in an enhanced sun dried tomato and roasted red pepper alfredo sauce (less than ten minutes prep and the time to boil spaghetti for cooking time... the shrimp were frozen cooked 100-150, two bags {two pounds} and for the sauce i started with two jars of classico alfredo sauce, one sun dried tomato and one roastted red pepper, added a couple of squirts of tarter sauce, a few tablespoons of ken's valdelia onion salad dressing, a quarter cup of sabrett's onion topping {usually used on hot dogs} and microwaved covered for 2 minutes, stirring, two more minutes, stirring, two more minutes, then add some grated parm-ramono-asiago cheese and let six until the spaghetti was cooked... really yummy sauce that could have only been better if i took the time to reduce it for thickness... i could have added cream cheese though, hmmm, next time :)

i love it when a meal is delicious and it takes longer to eat it to cook it... best of all, just one pot, one collander, a fork, a large spoon, and two microwavable bowls to wash (used a hard cardboard dixie paper plate as a cover)... of course the purist understands the limitations of frozen and pre-prepared sauces and additions, but still, flavor was YAY :)

no extra salt or butter/fat spread and no bread even, though i'll defrost the frozen garlic-cheese breadsticks for next time since i cooked enough for the next two days so with the leftovers already in the fridge, i am done cooking until monday in the new apartment so i can scrub the kitchen and oven and be done...

ate while typing this entry and now, back to packing :)

signed, sealed, delivered, i'm theirs

yes, while i do have 30 days to change my mind, i signed the lease for the new place and gave them all the money to get the keys and take possession of the apartment and i am 98% thrilled and happy...

five things i did not know cuz i was not able to see the apartment are... the microwave is too small, the layout of the apartment gives a smaller feel than other layouts, the patio seems slightly smaller, the air-conditioning units for several apartments are right outside the living room windows (and we're on the first floor), and i think the bedrooms are more directly off the living spaces (less privacy) than the other apartments... not deal breakers, but different than the other places we liked...

a few things we did know that are not ideal, but acceptible, are... the screened patio does not exit to the outside, the kitchen has a single sink, the carpet is more outdoorsy than indoorsy, the bathroom lights don't turn on (a sign of poor maintenance inspections?)

the big YAYs! for me are the rest of the apartment, first floor with a nature walk right off the breezeway, bigger kitchen, bathroom, closets... separate switches for the bathroom lights and the dang annoying loud vent fan (can you tell that was a deal breaker?), flourescent kitchen lighting instead of track lighting (to be able to see in the kitchen, sweet), and everything else...

hopefully jackson will like it when she sees it too (she's not moving in until May, so we can think about changing in the next 30 days)... and now it's time to take this packing gig seriously and then the cleaning deal and then, moving on monday... nobody right here to share the fun and excitement (and chores), but still, the excitement is bubbling over now that i actually signed and have the keys so bouncy bouncy off to pack and clean :)

for show (and tell)

not just the show, though that is certainly a bit of the story, as is individuality, but the story of this life that most of what is done by people is done for show… even here in e-the-real, I write real thoughts about real life for show in the hope somebody will care to know what is going on in my life, moment to moment… day after day… week after week… year after year (I know, months too)… cuz I want to care and be cared about moment to moment, etc…

the most real show is showing each other we care about each other… and I’ll be here, or somewhere, when you finally show :)

yay (mostly)

i finally found my way to the bed when i woke from my name around midnight last night... and so the sleep was about four hours from eightish to midnightish and then from then till a little bit ago (don't you just love the clarity i provide to time?... like swiss precision watches, with the ish factor) and i showered and shampooed and conditioned and rinsed and even repeated! (as opposed to jump under the water and rushed through the process) and now i am on time for my early meeting with the lawyers from miami with some breathing room, so yay...

the mostly part is that there was almost no exploring of facebook and other online stuff last night, which is the same as about 350 days out of the 365 days last year, but the past three nights i was up most of the night exploring and i realized i still enjoy that (it's been years, but i used to wander around the web a lot for hours on end, after all, have you never visted my myspace?... i just don't have time to read comments and communicate the way i used to (there are about a thousand unread messages there in my mailbox), no less browse as i did when i was babbling behind the candoor or before or before that even), alas, i miss it but life offline is way too busy to be spending hours a day online...

it was nice to stay up three nights in a row and feel the thrill of exploring again and sure enough, i found some people i had been searching for every time i did an extended web browsing searching wandering and one actually responded, though i am not she if i am remembered yet... spooky to wander through ancient memories like that and yet, so very deep-sigh-high too... so yay (mostly) cuz balance is good, but more time would be even better :)

can i go home now? :)

wow, see?... a poll!

referencing the previous title (not necessarily the entry though) that sleep is good cuz just look over on the right and see the newest feature i tried out here in this blog, a poll... i am still deciding if multiple answers are allowed and how long the poll will stay open and whether it will stay in the side bar (cuz the side bar is way too long for a this blog) but decisions decisions can wait until they are made, for now, there's a new feature, a poll...

i expect nobody to use it because i suspect nobody reads this regularly and this entry announcing it will blink into the archive any moment now and i believe most entries here are never read by human eyes, but hey, that is the real, diggidy? (as in, get it>?, however updated and expanded for the new millenium with a little help from a cartoon friend and the writers and Seth, who is as constant an influence in this life as any of the other hundred fifty or so constant influences who'v invaded my brain (with and without unilateral permission... is unilateral the right word there?... someday this, and millions of other rhetorical, semi-rhetorical, quasi-rhetorical, and actual real questions will be answers, but for now, there's a poll!... diggidy?)...

all this cuz i got a reasonably decent night of sleep?... i did wake at the four hours marks and when the phone rang, which was a lot this morning, but still, sleep has not had the positive effect it used to have for the last year or so and i was concerned that the over-tired effect of long-term sleep-deprivation (and overuse of hyphens) may have degenerated the brain cells to the point where they will not regenerate fully ever again, or at least not until several days/weeks/months/years or whatever period of time required is taken/given to sleep in heavenly sleep for as long as necessary to rejuvenate (or regenerate, i believe i mean regenerate cuz i'm not sure rejuvenate is actually possible, but that will require experimentation and more, precise discussion and agreement of definitions, to be decided at a later date)...

stop babbling here now!

another late work day

it never has to end, the work day, and i must remember that as i start expanding a spreadsheet database late in the afternoon because the hours pass quickly when waiting for crap ms software (excel 2007 freezes so often it's sick, and i don't mean a good sick) and wanting to finish the next stage of the build... anyway, home again...

eat, sleep, wisdom may previal tonight :)

awake another day

wanting more sleep, but four hours and up and out the door to work again... the craving to share wakes me from green chair slumbers these days more often and the bed does not hold my attention for long...

so hi ho, hi ho...

not again

napped for two hours after home made pizza and the brain was running laps as i laid the body down in bed, so after realizing the words had to flow cuz the brain got enough sleep (two hours, the body says, the brain is insane... poor body) and here we are after babbling elsewhere for a while...

no tv, so maybe i'll pass out again soon... hope you are enjoying your brain... and life :)

try to sleep, aye?

but i slept all day and while i might have vegged and fallen back to sleep at the normal human how tonight, instead, i went out to yet another party and feasted on junk food and sweets and dr pepper and came home wired once again and so what if i am going to get up in the morning to apartment shop and then head to a party in the afternoon and another later in the evening and continue on through the night... life will continue, with or without me... and i;ll enjoy it while i can... so, more food, drink, and be merry... all by myself, since no one who keeps my ridiculous hours is here at hand... and i hope you are enjoying every moment of your life too :)

one more day

one more day in one more year in the life, to be lived, to be shared, to me treasured, cherished, and remembered... cherish was the word, yes, and only one truly knew, and only a few ever even listened to the story, as the beatles sang, is there anybody going to and then, as tim rice wrote will no one stay awake with me and then, the day is done, gone, and poof, into the past, the history, posterity, and the memory...

but who remembers, really... who knows...

long week, but got some sleep

as you will know already (how's that for playing with tenses?... wait, i'm not done) if you read the previous posts that have yet to be written (O-O, what a word geek, aye?), on monday night i pulled a hamstring tagging up from second to third on a short fly ball to center and then limped home from third with the tying run in the bottom of the seventh on the next batter's hit... we won the game and tonight, the team played without me and won the first game of the playoffs... next thursday is the rest of the playoffs and i will see how the leg feels, but i definitely will take a pinch runner if i play and make it to first base...

in other news, precious totalled her second car for the year last night and i was sleeping... she's ok, though spent some hows in the hospital getting checked out... the worst bruising came from the seat belt... i thought she had an airbagm but i never rode in the second car so i suppose not... the first accident she was hit from behind while at a red light... this time she couldn't stop in time when someone stopped short in front of her... the SUV had a damaged bumper, her car received a totalled front end... the benefit of driving a gas guzzler, i suppose...

i am taking tomorrow off, mostly, to take care of business, so i should sleep some tonight, but at least i did sleep more than ten hours the past two nights, which is wonderful (says the body and mind) and also why i haven't been here... so to all the silent millions of fans out there who love me and miss me (and the few who actually leave a few words now and then), all is well in the real and while all could be better, i've got fewere complaints every day (mostly cuz i'm a day closer to dead and understand the logic and wisdom of not wasting time or energy on worry or stressing over the small stuff, but there may also be some greater depth and stability to the balance and peace within the psyche, yeah, it's not just apathy and ambivalence, nyuk)...

much more to come in previous entries here, there (which may be real time, behind the candoor, or even bullsugar, but wait, there are even newer blogs budding out there if you're clever enough to track them down... shhhh, it's our little secret until the tabloids get a hold of the photos and text messages and twitters and pull a tiger woods on us), and other places... life is good and amusing, as usual... and just think of what getting a lot of sleep might do to the profundity and candor of the babble, aye?...

narf :)

nauseating culture

slowing down to see an accident, going to auto races to see crashes, watching boxing or ultimate fighting, gung ho warriors invading other countries, and the prostitutes pretending to be moralists all over the world as they sell sex and religion and soap and gossip and war and butting into other people's lives and corn flakes and judgmental false superiority and above all else exploitation of anything and everything with guilt and fear all in the name of making money and the pretense of family and god (in that order)...

and oh, how humans love to tear down their heroes... are people really so insecure that they swarm to the lynching just to somehow feel some false sense of superiority watching someone else fall or fail or get beaten, destroyed, or somehow get put down?... and the latest exploited target of all the suck-up faux-news media and gossip hounds is tiger woods... have you found this blog entry by googling for dirt on the once greatest golfer and one of the most popular cultural icons of the past decade?... is if cuz he's black? (oh sure, and is Britney or Lindsay or Letterman black?)... no, the bigger and more loved the star (and the more sex involved), the more ardor there is to take them down and tsk tsk them all the way to church on sunday cuz that makes you better than them, right?...

so afraid of sex, of reality, of truth, the human race lives in the delusions and fears and ignorance perpetuated by greedy power hungry control freaks for millennia... am I all that different?... yes, but I fake it well on the surface so you may never know…

snark…

almost excitement

between the championship and spirit award and mvp wins over the weekend and the pending eight days in a row away from work (i hope) starting tomorrow night, there is almost excitement abounding around here... and that's without caffeine, even...

did i mention jackson talked me into starting yet another team?... yeah, another softball team takes the field to fill the sunday afternoons... co-ed, and this one will have more girls than boys... cute girls too, and cool people inside the cuteness... unfortunately for my dreams of intimacy and falling in love, they are mostly not interested in boys that way... yeah, i mean sex... ironic, i look around at most of my best friends and find they are gay and while i am comfortable enough (the flex boys will all be sharing beds at the tournament to save money on hotel rooms, after all), my libido still lusts most for that dream of adorable petite girl...

and floating even closer to the core of the experience i've known as being me in this life, i still live in a very different place from everyone i've ever met in this life... and while it does get lonely where i am, i still wouldn't want to live anywhere (or anyway else)... so while i mock the excitement of life as harry and his band did when he'd say and the excitement continues to build, i still find the most exciting thing in this life is being me and the possibility of sharing...

anybosy wanna share? :)