just in case we're not back, aye?

tomorrow i will be riding around town with jackson, the morning will be running her work errands even though she has the day off... she never has the day off, actually, with her social services therapy work... tomorrow she has to bring xmas lights and garland to a family who has none... i am donating my old xmas lights and garland from last year that we didn't use this year cuz she wanted white lights... anyway, three stops to pick up stuff at her office and here and then drop off the lights and garland for a poor family's tree...

and then it's apartment shopping for the afternoon... concert in the evening... all we need is for the mayan calendar prophesy people to be wrong, but just in case i die and the internet somehow survives, i have entries scheduled for tomorrow so we can either perish or be amused together... the entries were meant to be updated as tomorrow happened, but we've got some life stuff to live away from the computer so, whatever will be will be... i intend to sleep tonight...

and the world still whirls around... at least for now :)

waking before noon

this life of leisure is quite restful, though i feel a bit bloated today because i ate an after midnight dinner last night rich in fats (herring and sour cream)... oatmeal and flax seed for breakfast, whenever i get a little hungry (maybe an hour or two)... and get out to jog/walk at least a 2.5k today... cuz it is really getting late, alas...

and what is the date?... a day away from the... oh, this is sad... i look up solstice and find the first page is full of advertisements for sunglasses... i look up equinox and find a similar commercial override of information for cars and other stuff... i wonder if there is a search engine that has a no advertising filter... maybe an encyclopedia or wiki or dictionary... alas, the culture is so polluted with consumerism, we have forgotten the faces of our fathers, as roland would say...

though this curiosity might have some merit...

so scrolling down the page i find more pertinent information and of course i ask about the date because the mayan calendar ends tomorrow and there is all sorts of thoughts and prohesies and worries about the world ending (because without a human calendar keeping track of time, how can the world go on, right?... ahem)...

anyway, it would be nice to see some sort of enlightenment happen tomorrow at 11:12 (am) (or any time for that matter, really) and i shall set an alarm just to experience the moment cuz i am a very hopeful and curious being, ya know?...

12/12/12/12/12/12 again

lol... wonder what profound thought might appear here... time may tell, if i live this long and remember to return to this blog... cuz ya see, like the previous post, this post was scheduled years ago, perhaps by the mayan's themselves, cuz there was a possibility that i would not live long enough to actually post this manually, but apparently i did, sort of...

and if i didn't return, i hope life is wonderful :)

apparently i returned, or am returning, and this is the real 12-12-12, 12:12:12 entry cuz the last one that pretended to be the 12-12-12, 12:12:12 entry was actually the 12-12-12, 00:12:12 (note the subtle numerical changes), for whatever it means...

so has the world changed while we slept?... or while we were awake?...

what day is it now?

once again I shall attempt to type the entries into the word document to maintain a file on the computer of all the words I type (write, create, whatever) as if it will matter to someone someday outside of my head (aren’t you honored that I continued to strive to do this for you?... yeah, to dream the impossible dream and all that jazz) as I slipped away into the abyss of nothingness or whatever we might call the disconnect from the stream of consciousness that is the written word that began so long ago and continues within me and without me…

cha cha cha…

and welcome back my friends to the show that never ends…

please stand by :)

numerically poignant moment

or just a numbers game...

will time ever tell? :)

(it didn't, though i was asleep, but that would mean i was most open to any signs or communications from anywhere that might have been forthcoming or fifthcoming, even... and when i woke, the day was just another wonderful day unique in it's own way like every other day, but nothing particularly numerologically poignant as far as i could tell... anybody notice anything i didn't?... tell, i mean, you don't have to be time, after all :)

make it a great day :)

aging graciously

not quite gracefully as i stumble a lot because i have broken my stride many times in this life and let the excess fat form and let the muscles lose form and even filled out the wrong form (figuratively) but somewhere inside remains the right formula for forming the format of formidible human form (must have done something right in my formative years) so i might put off the formaldehyde a few more years...

so at just after midnight i sit here cooling down after returning from the gym, another run to nowhere that may or may not extend this life experience, but definitely provides more energy and positivity... the body thoughts blog should provide more detail, but i am hopefully at the start of yet another climb back into the best shape this body can be in at this point in the physical life span...

may you be enjoying (and optimizing) your journey through this life as well :)

anybody here?

yeah, i know, it's a hopefulness based on hope alone as i check to see if anybody stopped by any of my online spaces almost every time i return home, especially since starting this e-the-real blog where i stop in for brief updates and the waving the waterboys sang of all those years ago...

another game party with some of the funnest people in orlando and even though i was nodding off and so ready to sleep before i left, a little caffeine and sugar and i was playing and here we are, ten hours later, groggy but more awake than i was... friends and fun and the night...

maybe i'll get two hours sleep before morning practice and somehow i'll get some pants washed (or maybe i'll just stop and buy another pair of pants) for work this week, but after practice i'm hoping i don't stink too much so i can nap somewhere downtown before the party and the afternoon game so i might rejoin the party after the game (hoping i still don't stink too much) and somehow squeeze in getting the pants washed or bought and getting some sleep before starting another work week...

it's not like this is any sort of revelation (speaking of redundant thoughts), but there really are not enough hours in a day on this planet... i need to find a planet with 42 hour days, that is the answer, ya see :)

hope you are enjoying your sleep and your day is even more fun when you wake :)

happy birthday nic

the real?

all those years ago, long before this blog began, long before RealTime™ and behind the candoor and planet candora and the live journals and the online roots (at least one of them) and the letters, the years before the internet when I wrote so many thousands of letters to friends, lovers, imaginary lovers, imaginary friends (yes, each of these could be linked to yet another website themed somewhat around the concept in the words, really, and less than a tenth of a percent of the written gardens ever made it online, but that’s a boast of a different horse, so get on with it, will ya?) and even before then, when I filled many thousands of pages, pads and books of all sorts, writing daily for year after year for decades and a lifetime, yes, even before all that there was a child in love… and today, we celebrate…

happy birthday amy

completely missed it

the moment of nines, that is...

i wonder what really happened :)

and yet awake

a couple of hours ago i woke and here i am, laundry is in progress, i sorted through and deleted about ten thousand emails, sent a few more emails to Yahoo! to explain, again, and try to stop the Yahoo! SPAM, and i am writing rhymes... getting more sleep would be better for the body, but the mind has other things on it's mind and so, i am taking care of the others things...

it took ninety seconds to type this message to you to say i am here, i care about you, what i am up to at the moment, and i want to keep in touch... think about that when you say you don't have time... if you are awake, i hope you are making good use of your time... and if you are asleep, i hope you are sleeping well...

i am here, keep in touch :)

sleep more

a trip down the cyber memory lane as i stayed home again to rest... more about the trip and the life tomorrow...

2003 again

that is the ms office software, not a nostalgic reference to time travel through memory or physical space (which is certainly possible, contrary to most modern physics, but humans are very not ready for such awareness just now, ironically, and i remain with the moment for all eternity, yeah)

i mean that is where i was yesterday instead of writing an upodate here... installing office 2003 and downloading the service pack and critical updates and all that stuff that so proves humans are parasites and un-evolved creatures, but that too is another point beyond the moment, so halleluya brothers and sisters and welcome to the third paragraph...

software glitches (no rules?... no filters?... something wrong with the installation, dang ms bs) so all email is messed up, lumped together in a 5,000 piece piled of electronic conversations between strangers so if any of you or anyone i know is in there, oh well, apologies and hope i don't miss anything too important... that's why 407-325-1482 is plastered everywhere and handed out to locals, cuz email is not reliable... softball and the wing house again, not the best path perhaps, but later for more thought on that too...

running late (almost, as time is relative) for work so this is it, brief, hello, i love you, make today wonderful, and catch up with anyone out there reading along after the party tonight... remember, fun as you can :)

days, weeks, months, years

wow... it was more than six hours ago (it's after 1am now) that i opened this box (along with the box of pizza and an eggplant parm sub that was dinner), titled this entry, turned on the music, and then wandered off to do laundry, talk to rasputin on the phone about college football, browse the web for college football stuff to talk about, forget laundry, remember laundry, re-start laundry, actually unpack a couple of boxes and set up a dresser clearing the clutter in the bedroom, and writing an entry that was starting as this one here, but soon turned into a babbling for other places and one of those that expand as it is planted in more than one place (so far at RealTime™ amd behind the candoor and soon (i feel it coming) at myspace, each with a slight addition for flavor or further explanation or something like that... you really ought to read one or all as they were written specifically and especially for you...

before this rather interesting evening, i was out playing softball (some of the the monday and thursday teams now practice on sunday afternoons) for three hours or so and prior to that, i woke and showered and prior to that, i slept about six hours and prior to that, i relaxed and blogmadded and browsed and such as i mentioned in the previous entry... and now we're all caught up with thereal...

so what's up with you? :)

first, the comments...

as i just pondered the span of time, history, in RealTime™, even as i bordered on babble worthy of the incomplete epic flooding behind the candoor, i came back to thereal with the same report... first, i check the comments to see if anybody related to what i wrote... first, i check the comments to see if anyone is listening... first i check the comments to see if the one found me... first, i check the comments to see how alone i am in this world... and then, almost every time, i respond to comments before i start writing any entry... that is why some days go by in RealTime™ without an upload, though there's usually something written... i just fall asleep before i feel it is an entry and then the next day, the same...

first, i check the comments...

both ends and the middle

as if i was a candle... always pretending to be self-replenishing, but deep down, knowing... so tonight we won 14-3 and we could have easily won by more and practically gave them the three runs in the last inning just to be good sports (at east some of us seemed to and i know i did)... they appeared to be a poor hitting team and i was on again, two games in a row this week... feels good to feel that much control of something in the physical world... they put me up second for a change... i walked three times and scored three times and grounded out once, the ground out was in the last inning and i stood at the plate watching the ball cuz it could have gone fair or foul (a dribbler) and it was called fair... it was 14-0 and if we scored, the game was over... i wanted to play more...

and work was another very long day of training as the training fair wound down... and i still have a few full days of work due monday and so, the work week will not end tomorrow, alas, the corporate responsibility days are here again (somehow, it should fit to the tune of happy days are here again, ya know?)... and minnie was discharged and i haven't heard any more... and life goes on with dreams gone by and no one to share the harry song or the story of a life and so much sadness gushes under the surface (what?... where?... oh peanuts, get a shell, and he giggles, fool, no pity please)... so life is busy at work,. fun at softball, alone at home...

and still, it turns me on...

on the line

there was a time when i would sit by the phone in front of the computer checking email every fifteen seconds as if every second mattered... i felt blessed to have a phone and a computer to check email... i got into email and the whole web world a bit late, unfortunately, as i was preoccupied with writing for snail mail during it's earliest years and simply never explored the medium even though i was at a computer, writing daily, in the eighties... i sometimes ponder the missed opportunities for social and business, but then, except for a few decisions and experiences (and the loss of contacts with my own words, not to mention people), i loved every moment... except those moment when i was sitting at the phone or at the computer and it felt like no one knew (or cared) that i existed... i don't use the phone much these days...

so much for e-the-real

so i sat here on the first full evening after the first full workday in my new space doing the opposite of what the hope might have been, a sudden change to healthy ways and a return to the core of me where all the stupid human tricks and learned suicidal tendencies would dissolve like fog on a sunny day, instead, i pigged out on more comfort food (pastrami sandwich and decadent cakes and of course, mostly chocolate)... somehow my new york city roots draw me back first, but then, perhaps that is the right path as the daily running did begin there and i was never in as optimal condition as i was in those years of change, turmoil, and peace, a time when i would find the lyrics for a double or even triple concept album (cd, aye?) pouring out in one sitting, during and following what were once known as the amy years...

it's about time i went there... far from the magical muse, yet, i will believe that a step back toward where i once belonged is so much better than no steps at all... and so misunderstood, and so confused, no wonder every one was refused... i did not want to find the same person again... i wanted to find the same love, the one who could love so unconditionally, trust so unconditionally, be so unconditionally mine (and me hers)... and all the time we thought i was comparing everyone to her, when what i was comparing was the feeling the trust the love... so misunderstood, and perhaps, even by me... and yet, there is the rub... i knew but would not explain, for explaining altered the outcome... this i always knew... and no one understood until too late... so much for e the real...

time keeps on ticking

music at work plays at my desk again this week, though i really must add more cds to my work collection. another mybook would help, but expenses will be extremely higher than usualy this month and much higher than they have been from now on, so it would be quite wise to hold off on any major expenditures (so i'll probably go out and spend $1000 on a mybook and new laptop any day now, right?... shhhh, stop giving me ideas/// wait, they are my ideas, so i suppose i am telling myself to stop... fine reverse psych job that is, we all know i do not like being told what to do so i often do the opposite and... quite a loop we are weaving here, aye?).

and the storm puts most of life on hold this week. not that it matters to anyone but me in the real. no worries, when you get here, this will be waiting. until then, hope it's been fun for you, wherever you've been :)

the secrets of time in the real

these words appear before your eyes in these moments in your time, however they were written in these moments in my time, moments that are most likely not the same moments, but are still these moments that we call right now... and the time-date stamp on this entry may or may not be either of those moments in anybody's time.

this is the real as far as time goes, for what it's worth, for what it means to you, for as much as you might want to know (and hopefully you do).

the fun of the blog

i think it'll be fun to fill it all in, like a color by numbers without the numbers or the lines, but then, maybe there are some lines, a few, unseen by the naked eye, but sprinkled, maybe dotted, between the existing daily entries, kind of like a connect the dot color by number combo puzzle game... yes, i think it'll be fun, even if it is not shared...