belly full, watching tv

i should be heading to sleep soon, though i went and cooked a hearty dinner that woke me quite a bit... pork cutlet sandwich and baked cheese layered spaghettios... yes, i make a lasagna-like layered pasta side dish with spaghettios, eight different cheeses (at least), and my own special sauce spices and it's delicious... and some yummy little oranges for dessert... hey, gourmet is relative...

watching really bad syfy movies, but i just had to catch the mayan calendar one, 12 disasters of xmas or something like that... it was so poorly acted and so stereotypically written it was nauseating in a really bad movie way... why do people enjoy blatant mediocrity?... heck, why doesn't somebody pay us to produce some lol :)

apparently it's 12/21/12 somewhere in the world and they survived... so far :)

waking before noon

this life of leisure is quite restful, though i feel a bit bloated today because i ate an after midnight dinner last night rich in fats (herring and sour cream)... oatmeal and flax seed for breakfast, whenever i get a little hungry (maybe an hour or two)... and get out to jog/walk at least a 2.5k today... cuz it is really getting late, alas...

and what is the date?... a day away from the... oh, this is sad... i look up solstice and find the first page is full of advertisements for sunglasses... i look up equinox and find a similar commercial override of information for cars and other stuff... i wonder if there is a search engine that has a no advertising filter... maybe an encyclopedia or wiki or dictionary... alas, the culture is so polluted with consumerism, we have forgotten the faces of our fathers, as roland would say...

though this curiosity might have some merit...

so scrolling down the page i find more pertinent information and of course i ask about the date because the mayan calendar ends tomorrow and there is all sorts of thoughts and prohesies and worries about the world ending (because without a human calendar keeping track of time, how can the world go on, right?... ahem)...

anyway, it would be nice to see some sort of enlightenment happen tomorrow at 11:12 (am) (or any time for that matter, really) and i shall set an alarm just to experience the moment cuz i am a very hopeful and curious being, ya know?...

softball later, music now

with softball tonight and nothing planned for the next few hours and jackson at work, i am finally turning off the tv and turning on the music (via my long lost myspace playlist that i forgot about... starts out dreamy, i'm curious to see where it takes me today :)

pizza hut and football

being what is commonly called a native new yorker, i've yet to find pizza that matches what i know as pizza, but being that i lived outside of new york and the north east for about half of this life, i've trained my taste buds to enjoy the stuff called pizza outside of nyc... pizza hut is an acquired taste and as long as there's sufficient extra cheese and selected toppings (their meats suck, as do most, but they are better than some other chains)... and they have reasonably ok other foods too, comparable to frozen dinners which i do eat for the same reason i order in, convenience... so anyway...

so i ordered a ton of pizza hut food and turned on the tv to watch football, only to find arizona playing green bay... the teams i want to see are not playing today, except for new england, who lost big and i am not sorry i didn't watch tom brady's worst playoff performance in his career, especially not while eating... i suppose that broken ribs and missing the league's #1 receiver can alter a performance... and i was hoping for a rematch between indy and the jets, but indy will have to beat baltimore and the jets will have to beat ? (west team?... see, i haven't followed football this year) for that to happen... i haven't seen most teams play this year, so i have no idea who is best, but i am rooting for brett farve and drew brees and the jets (old ny roots run deep) and maybe indy...

so two wild card teams advance (i'm gonna look them up now)... ah, san diego, love that city, but i don't think there's any player on the team who appeals to me so they rank #5 or #6 on my rooting list... i pretty much root for players most of the time and brett is trying the biggest leap and doesn't have many more leaps in him, so i am rooting for him first... then would have come brady because i like the way he plays, except today, that is not the way i remember him playing... and then the jets cuz my new york friends will flip and be very happy... and then... it gets closer...

drew brees nudges out payton and old dallas and san diego sentiments for the fourth spot and payton nudges into the fifth spot... it's a tossup for #6 and #7 between dallas and san diego, cuz i love the cities, but am not a fan of any of the players these days... the last four of the ten eams in the playoffs are toss ups for me... green bay would have been ranked higher, but trying to screw brett farve puts them at the bottom of the list... curt warner and beanie wells at arizona help them pop into 8th, but then, cincinnatti has fond memories cuz of friends i knew from there... baltimore, aye, no such connections...

wasn't the healthier eating supposed to start again? :}

back to relaxing

although i have several hours (at least) of cleaning and laundry and packing to do, definitely more than several hours, i am relaxing and sitting here with a bit of a tv conundrum (cuz the sponteneity of tv programming ads a variation and surprise, yeah, dullness of a life alone sometimes is most evident in front of the tv)... star trek generations is on opposite the sound of music and of course, football... i lean toward football cuz it's the least distracting and i can do other stuff (chores, browse the web, listen to music, write, etc)... but the hills are alive!...

are we having fun yet? :)

morning rush

sort of... i skipped the shower to check some mail and stuff after the deepest (and longest) sleep in weeks, many weeks, at least... wonderful feeling, getting about halfway to that wonderful awakeness i know as conscious awareness when this body is fully rested... if only this was a day off, i'd have sleeped the deepest longest sleep and maybe even caught up... it's been so long since i caught up... maybe tomorrow...

for now, it's off to work i go...

sprint to sleep

yes, well, shocking as it may seem, all that sprinting and protein has inspired me to actually go to sleep, like, now... amazing, no doubt, given the time and the fact that i've already nodded off in this chair... so curl up or lay flat and cuddle with someone comfortable if you can (and want to) and see you in the morning...

nite nite :)

loving this rest

as lonely as life can be, i love the privacy and freedom of living alone... and as futile as it is to think it'll get less lonely if i stay home (which is why i've been as busy with social life as i've been in 2008... the calendar has most, if you wanna see), this self-time feels so good...

but it's more than self-time, it is the attitude i bring to it and the perspective i maintain during it and what i do with the time... the rest is first on the list of things this body needed and this is the first time i am actually giving the body extended rest (letting the body call the shots) in years... and then, there's the positivity, the focus on what is feeling good and can be done, instead of focusing on the pains and bloat and buddha belly and stuff that can bring me down... all that fades into meaninglessness when the perspective is right because the actions diminish the negatives... what feels best is doing what i want to do because i want to do it, not because i think i need to do it...

so since getting off work on wednesday, i've been just sitting around relaxing (occasionally answering the on-call phone for work) and unpacking (moving in is a very slow process for me, mostly cuz i've got boxes full of stuff and no place/furniture to put it in/on) and a bit of laundry/cleaning... part of the freedom is not needing to wear clothing... the nudist in me has been closeted for so many years, i've almost forgotten how much i do not like clothes instinctively, no less the concept, history, and thought processes clothes represent...

ah, such a radical... meanwhile, i may just head out somewhere today for a little while... exercise is calling louder... and maybe a movie tonight... i hope your day is wonderful too :)

perhaps a hiccup

i did sleep from whenever the entry before the last one was uploaded until just before the last entry and i napped another half hour sitting here and still will sleep more, though i have a caffeine withdrawal sugar hangover headache at the moment that woke me... time to cleanse?... i have five days to do it (and longer if i just muddle through the two days i work next week)...

i am always looking for reasons and rhymes... why should i is not a helpful question for me as long as i am looking outside of myself for an answer... i ought to be amazed that i have let the bloat go on for so long... and the apathy... ambivalence... casual suicide... being human... and the american way...

hmmmmm, time for a resurrection?...

kind of obscure for thereal...

more later...

sleepy head

wow, suddenly sleeping sickness and i am crashed out... not feeling like death warmed over or anything, just sleepiness, eyes want to close, body wants stillness, so i took the day off and slept... woke a few hours ago and after sitting here for a bit, want more sleep... loving the silence, the privacy, the stillness...

sleep :)

keeping busy

could be consider business, aye?... well, all in all, keeping busy may just be another way to avoid feeling the loneliness and meaninglessness of being without a partner in this life... and i mean partner connected to your core who you trust with everything, not the daily companion who hardly knows you or who isn't really in you all the time... this is the thought that came to me today as i stared at the ceiling and walls and computer screen and space and did little else today... this is the first day i gave myself to just vegetation in a few years, more, even...

feels so weird cuz i used to do this all the time... now it's a luxury and without enough time, it's a dangerous precipice... especially without distractions like tv or communications... how lonely i must be somewhere deep inside after more than a decade... the music has played on and off all day, but it's the kind of day when the silence definitely speaks to me more than anything...

i have a very busy life, but it is all of my own creation from day to day... i have not had a busy life created by others around me, family, in a long long time... there is a huge difference between being needed by family and being busy with activities... both have advantages, but being without either feels like something is missing... no wonder i keep busy :}

i did write rhymes and upload stuff all over the place, which is a gift for me... i hope your days at home alone, if you have any, are not missing anything, but even if they are, i hope you find the fun :)

double header and reality check

definitely a good idea, to not stay out late yesterday, to rest instead... definitely not a good idea, to eat "fair" food and snacks and a lot of it... but as the sensuality in me is not gonna be turned off and i've only got a few ways to stimulate and satisfy the body hunger for sensual experiences (and so much of it starts at the mouth), the battle of the bulge shall continue i suppose... i feel more rested, which is a rare feeling these days with my schedule...

reality check... as much as i write on the web and call it real time and thereal, i must more vigilantly remember that the real is here and now in the flesh, keep my priorities straight, and take care of me each day/moment cuz the real is nobody else is here to do anything of the sort... (e)thereal is fun, but still all in the mind and far from the life lived... imagining someone might share the daily record of life in words like this is fun, but even if someone did, it is still just words on a screen and more importantly, just a few moments of a twenty-four hour day, and that should be more obvious than it is... realizing and acknowledging this does diminish the writings and communication in words, but it puts it in it's place and increases the importance and meaning of the other twenty-three plus hours of life, as it should be... i hope all your other moments go well too :)

laundry is in progress so the uniform will be clean and it is time to shower and head out to pitch the double header... enjoy your day and life and family and friends and stuff and words and music and anything else that matters to you and even that which doesn't... cuz you can :)

wasn't this supposed to be brief real moments?...

yes, well, apparently i can find a lot of words to describe brief real moments as exemplified by last night's entry about the few minutes i ponder life upside down in the big green chair... it could have read big green chair go boom, crawl to bed had i not detoured to the computer... and that's thereal...

anyway, further into thereal this morning (before heading out to softball), i was reading up on my recently acquired pain and found what must be remedies for old people at the mayo clinic (i always thought they were coming up with a new treatment for diseases based on mayonnaise, but that's another story), when i found (at good old wikipedia, source of infinite knowledge) that ginger root, evening primrose oil, bromelain, vitamin e, omega-3 oils, and white willow bark all may be used to reduce the inflammation and glucosamine/chondroitin sulphate is said to perhaps promote the healing of cartilage... so during my field trip to walmart (saturday afternoon, what else can you call it, a trip to the human zoo?) with precious to stock up her panty pantry (big difference there i suppose lol), i picked up most of those except for bromelain and white willow bark, which the pharmacist said i could find at gnc... i took a full day supply of all the stuff except the stuff wally didn't have last night before falling asleep (and over in the big green chair, perhaps you missed it... it was all over the news... and how many entries have you missed, at that?... feel like the little kid left out of the parade?... well, get with it, step lively, life goes on in thereal, you know) and while i am far from cured, i am most likely still alive as i am typing this entry (unless i scheduled it for upload this morning while semi-dreaming about falling last night, but that would be ridiculous, almost as ridiculous as starting another new blog or two in my sleep)...

actually, i do have an entry scheduled for uploading here next year, but hopefully it won't be uploaded and simply will be rescheduled for the following year... it is an entry announcing the death of this body... kind of like the final afterthought or even a last will and testament, perhaps, except it's just a few words explaining i probably won't be uploading any more entries and no big whoop, at least not yet (i mean, it's less than a few dozen words at the moment, which may be the ultimate final irony, aye?)...

i am way too amused by nothing and everything, so off to softball now and make your day fun too... see ya later :)

still not moving in

but relaxing... i forgot to stop to pick up a few things - line shelf liner, shelving, closet organizers, cd racks, and other stuff - that i want in place before unpacking, so i'll go a seventh week without moving in to this space (beyond unpacking the laptop and some basics... i found a dead ant (all together now, deadant, deadant, deadant deadant deadant deadant deadaaaaaaaaaaaaannt, dededum), the red biting kind, but the roaches seem to have stayed on the other side of the barrier... hopefully a monthly spray and powder by me on top of the orkin guy they have (who i will request at least monthly) will keep them out... so i'll try to remember to stop for the stuff and move in next week...

today is laundry and internet, though very little internet so far... tonight i'm going to see religulous with fifty close personal friends (i know a dozen of them, actually) and precious is joining us... maybe pizza after, but i've been eating very differently (and lighter) all week... dried fruits and nuts and soups and fat free stuff and smaller portions) so i dont want to taunt the taste buds too much with the other stuff cuz they love this stuff once they forget about the heavy italian and fried and fat-sugar stuff...

tomorrow there's softball practice in the am (for the new thursday night team that i'll joinafter the work thursday night team ends, unless they have schedules some thursdays that fit both leagues), then a thai buffet at the wat florida dhammaram, which is a buddhist temple, i think... more than a hundred people from one group alone are supposed to be going to that (i invited precious and rasputin, but they are thinking about it) and it fits into the day as it's from 10:30 to 2:30 and i have a softball game at 2pm, so i'll stop in after practice, munch on thai food, and then head to the sunday game...

and that's the weekend already in progress... i hope your weekend is fun and exciting and full of interesting people and places and sensory experiences and healthy activities and most of all, loving companions who live to share your happiness :)

daily

i have no idea why i have this obsession with one entry/post per day, as if a date without an entry is somehow wasted or even more, two entries on one date somehow diminish one of them because of the presentation of the entries (the first being below the second), but that is only on blogs that have multiple entries, right?... of course, if i post another entry today, this entry will disappear into the older archives and may be missed by anyone looking for today's entry thinking they've already read the older ones linked just below... of course anyone really interested will check, but then, who has time or thinks of these things...

besides me, of course...

sometimes, sleeping when the body requests it is all the body/head needs, even if it's just a few hours... dummy... do that more often (says the body/head)... yes, today is a good day :)

there are good days

yes, it is past 1am and this entry is backdated in the hope i'll find time for a real entry later for this date... catching up on writing with an old stranger has taken much of the time i've had in the past few days (and laundry is still not done) and it is time for sleep now as this body seems to be demanding more than four hours sleep at least a couple of times a week and clearly and openly rebels (in the form of blood pressure and bloating, which suggests potential messages from the kidneys, heart, and other vital organs) and is giving me a few ultimatums... but how to find time for eight hours sleep a night (especially when here is no one to sleep with... ah, the question nocturnal creatures have been asking forever)...

these are good days, i'll try to catch up tomorrow... take care of yourself and thank you for checking in... you are loved :)

sleep is good

even though it sometimes feels like i missed out on something, on the sharing that might have been while i was sleeping, but then, even when you sleep in someone's arms, you still sleep in your own mind, at least i do, and as close as i've ever gotten to another person, i know that it is still illusion when we imagine each other within our own minds... a sweet illusion, but still, illusion... though i can imagine (and have observed, especially at work, it is a nightmare for some who forget they are in control up there)... and so i nodded off in the big green chair after getting home from work around 7:30 last night and it is almost eleven hours later, having woken twice or so for water or something, and i feel almost rested... used to be a full night sleep would be completely rested, but then, i could have slept another few hours... i woke for work and actually, early, to get my oil changed... the car, i mean... hope your day is sweet :)