waking before noon

this life of leisure is quite restful, though i feel a bit bloated today because i ate an after midnight dinner last night rich in fats (herring and sour cream)... oatmeal and flax seed for breakfast, whenever i get a little hungry (maybe an hour or two)... and get out to jog/walk at least a 2.5k today... cuz it is really getting late, alas...

and what is the date?... a day away from the... oh, this is sad... i look up solstice and find the first page is full of advertisements for sunglasses... i look up equinox and find a similar commercial override of information for cars and other stuff... i wonder if there is a search engine that has a no advertising filter... maybe an encyclopedia or wiki or dictionary... alas, the culture is so polluted with consumerism, we have forgotten the faces of our fathers, as roland would say...

though this curiosity might have some merit...

so scrolling down the page i find more pertinent information and of course i ask about the date because the mayan calendar ends tomorrow and there is all sorts of thoughts and prohesies and worries about the world ending (because without a human calendar keeping track of time, how can the world go on, right?... ahem)...

anyway, it would be nice to see some sort of enlightenment happen tomorrow at 11:12 (am) (or any time for that matter, really) and i shall set an alarm just to experience the moment cuz i am a very hopeful and curious being, ya know?...

slight addiction

yes, as i mentioned in my newly templated bullsugar (whatever that is), i am slightly addicted to my current entry in my video me blog cuz it's fun and i miss fun so very much (among other things)... waking ealier than intended but charged with more energy than usual and every kind of desire to share (and some are undulged much more than others, so balance, dangit! (with and without exclamation points) and i sense a rush of missing babble flooding my inner sanctums)...

games, babbles, lusts, intimacies, exercise, more more more!...

yes, i work too much... wanna save me? :)

frustrating day, still laughing

and euphoric and giddy and by all normal standards, quite bipolarly insane (it's a new diagnostic they missed in the new DMSV, but don't tell anybody cuz they'll look at you all funny-like)...

ATT really seriously majorly amazingly SUCKED today... if i wrote ATT SUCKS a billion times, it would just describe part of the day... i spent from 10am until 7pm trying to find out what the new POP3 and SMTP server addresses were and at least thirty different ATT CSRs left me hanging or hung up (of course it could have been dropped calls after being on hold for up to 55 minutes at a clip)... the fact is, ATT has some amazingly bad customer service people... and their convergesys outsourcing does not help their effacacy... fimbidimblestipts!...

so a bit after 7pm i rush out to work to take care of the admission who came in last night and collected my $100 for just over an hour and stopped at giovanni's and publix on the way home to eat lasagna and stuffed shells and chocolate milk and chocolate pie for dinner and bliss is as easy as that... la dee da dee diddly doo :)

meanwhile, i've got this red spotty itchy rash on my left forearm, a dry scaly rash on my left middle finger, a dry scaly rash on my scalp, an infected wisdom tooth, and a serious case of sniffles... is dr. house in the house?... this body is slowly falling apart and i'm laughing like the joker from batman... can't nothing get me down anymore?...

who knows, but nothing in recent years... it's like i've got a teflon psyche and rubber heart... or silicon... mercury?... it's all metaphorical, ya know...

hope you enjoyed your day even more :)

shoulda, coulda, woulda

yeah, slept good last night (not great, but good) and skipped dinner and felt the bloat go away and got home today after an almost two day fast and wasn't really hungry but boom, i eat anyway and suddely i'm hungry ,i>after,/i> i eat dinner... emotional hunger is ridiculous, but i ate some smart start cereal and chocolate milk (fat free) for dessert and once again, feel the bloat...

i did write a bit and downloaded some of the blogs as an xml file (with no formatting) and am looking for a way to actually download the blogs as whole blogs... and att just sent me an email telling me they are discontinuing their web site service so i must find a way to download all of the pages over there in the next few weeks or they'll go pooof, all gone, like the disney sites did... the words are worth saving, after all, cuz someday...

anyway, shoulda skipped dinner tonight and reinforced the fast, maybe some grapefruit and a yogurt... coulda gotten back on the lighter eating lighter body track... woulda been a good thing instead of just a good idea... yea yeah yeah yeahhhhh (thank you beatles :)

so how was your night? :)

need more time

loaded a load of dishes and i wonder if there is a load of laundry in the dryer and there's more dishes to wash and lots more clothes to wash and the ringing is exceptionally loud tonight (ah, tinnitis, or tinittis, yes, the second one, maybe steany hot shower will help?) and the brain and body so long for more sleep, but do i have a clean warm long sleep shirt for tomorrow?... wearing long sleeve winter shirts for the past ten or more days in a row has rised the need for laundry through the roof and i intended to do some tonight, but nodding off happened and now, the brain wants to not move the body and somehow find the bed... winter fatigue is different, i almost forgot what it's like...

feeling more alone that usual tonight too... sleepy... nite nite :)

still awake, but vegetative

buzzing a lot cuz the snacks and goodies are still around and this is the final weekend before the healthy fasting weight dropping serious exercising and all that starts again (or so the rumor goes) and the football continues in the background on the tv as ohio state just won the rose bowl (and if they could only bear a southeast conference team, rasputin could die happy... i wonder if he and his brother went to the game since he is living with his brother in arizona these days... i wonder if he is working yet... anyway, i like to see ohio state win cuz he and precious are such big fans)... and now, the florida game...

i expect florida to blow out cinncinati mostly because cincy doesn't have their coach cuz their coach took a job with notre dame and the rules say he has to completely abandon his committment to the players he recruited and coached all year just before the biggest game of the season and quite likely the biggest game of most of their lives... that simply sucks and is the worst example of sportsmanship and leadership the ncaa provides, not to mention a potentially humiliating betrayal for the young kids in college...

the other reason i expect a blow out is cuz cincy does not play anyone close to florida's caliber all year and while i am very turned off by the arrogance and stupid macho immaturity prevailing amongst florida fans (and many media mouths), they are very well recruited, training, coached and prepared for their games in every way except sportsmanship and maturity. so they can win big and win a lot, if not well (so representative of the worst of us arrogance in the world, but that's a whole other grating of the flesh, aye?)...

football is, in many ways, like war... but as ridiculous as it is, there are even rules of conduct in war... never mind, ridiculous it is :}

i''ll probably nod off during this game since it's the last of the day and i've not slept since last year and it'll probably not interest me for a myriad of reasons... the highlights will be on tomorrow... i hope you are enjoying whatever you are doing this first day of the new year :)

blurrry

worked and home again, and wasting my time... something froze and i had to reboot the laptop and i had set it to check the disk on the next reboot, but should checkdisk take three hours?... so i nodded off and all the amazing things in my head dissolved into dreams i don't remember... alas, what a waste...

and more than 250,000 files?... talk about technological bloat, more than 250,000 files?... what the heck for?... i put ms office and two other programs, an security program and a game program on this laptop since i bought it... the laptop came with so much bloat, so many extra programs... it can take ten minutes to shut down and re-start and three hours to checkdisk?... how long will a defrag take, or will it hang and never actually finish like xp used to do...

hours wasted waiting for the computer to check itself and fix itself and what a waste...

vista is the worst os yet...

home again

the place is a wreck, piles of laundry, boxes half packed/unpacked, and just way too much stuff i do not use sitting around gathering dust... the habits must change, which is probably the best reason for me to enter into another roommate situation...

we should know by the end of this week, i think... in the mean time, i should try to get some sleep tonight... and start eating less sugar, fat, and party food... so get on that, right... uh-huh...

wired crossing

the party continues today as the food was good and the leftovers were even better after i got home and the madness that would have been exploded here somehow popped over to the bullsugar perhaps because i hope it's not as real as it might be or perhaps because i enjoy the pretense of confusion and mazeology, or something like that...

yeah, anyway, this babbling may be meaningless in the end, even the breif serious attempts to keep in touch, but if just one person believes, then the faries do not die...

i mean, hope your day was fun too... and get some rest :)

and then...

i wonder how many times i titled an entry and then with or without ellipses or parenthetic subtitles), but anyway, this came forth from a response to a comment that summed up the day just fine, so it's an entry cuz it's e-thereal...

yes, it's been a long day... up early for work and work work work and mostly wandering around doing as i please (cuz directors cando that, oh so important and all, ya know), but it's still work work work (and fun) and then softball, unfortunately, as the team got knocked out of the playoffs tonight, which is fine on one level as i need a break and this team can be frustrating due to inconsistent committment, effort, skill, balance, and too many players) and also has another pitcher (my two championship teams don't) and then off to hang with the team while waiting to head to the midnight movie (3-d i-max premiere of avatar (with free passes at universal studios, cool, aye?... it was great, especially for tree-huggers) and then hang a bit more and home to home-made pizza and middle of the night tv cuz twilight zone fit perfectly with the sci-fi arty mood) and now... chocolate cream (or creme) pie... life is good...

i have no intention of going to work today, naa naa :)

and as if this wasn't a wonderful enough day, there, to widden my smile even more, a comment from a dear old friend that inspired a quick catch up of the day that became this entry... isn't life amazing?... fun?... simple?... well, life is something, isn't it?...

whatever it is, enjoy it :)

the real?

all those years ago, long before this blog began, long before RealTime™ and behind the candoor and planet candora and the live journals and the online roots (at least one of them) and the letters, the years before the internet when I wrote so many thousands of letters to friends, lovers, imaginary lovers, imaginary friends (yes, each of these could be linked to yet another website themed somewhat around the concept in the words, really, and less than a tenth of a percent of the written gardens ever made it online, but that’s a boast of a different horse, so get on with it, will ya?) and even before then, when I filled many thousands of pages, pads and books of all sorts, writing daily for year after year for decades and a lifetime, yes, even before all that there was a child in love… and today, we celebrate…

happy birthday amy

blurry head

another day of work (on call weekends keep me running running running and eating almost to my heart's content (with gallons of caffeinated beverages) certainly does not help as the extra food just makes the body work harder to digest and process and store and then, the extra pounds just make the body work harder to move, every movement, and then, the night after night playing ball or going to parties or simply staying up to watch craig, yes, craig is my secret lover drinking me to drink power shakes in the middle of the night when i really ought to be sleeping (as it was in the beginning, so goes the night, yes, one long night, of this life)...

just look at the date, for crying out loud, it's amazing i've been so sane for so long... please, take care of yourself... and your children... for the night has no mercy on lovers who give up on love...

quark...

pushing every envelope

yes, to be somewhat precise, i've been pushing this body every which way but loose (which is probably one big reason the hamstring frayed a bit, tight muscles, not loose, and all) but i am having fun and meeting fun people and hanging with friends and even if i am still longing for love somewhere inside, the suface is stretched out so thin that smiling is all there is left to do...

party tonight, party last night, party tomorrow... this would be so much easier if i wasn't so responsible for so much at work every day and 24/7/365... yeah, i did go into work today before the party, then rushed to pick up food and a present or two at barnes and noble cuz it was one of those bring food and presents parties and then we had fun...

i should try some sleep on for size now, aye?... have fun out there :)

i need more heads

what i mean is, i need more brain, specifically, more information connected to my brain... maybe i just need better organization and efficiency and time management... what brings this on, you might ask (and it isn't cuz i want to look up and listen to robin wright laugh while bantering with craig)...

i appear to have missed out on a $229 netbook that i would have bought if they had one at the store i visited today after getting my softball pants hemmed (and while waiting for the same-day hemming, i wandered around the burlington coat factory and somehow found myself leaving with close to $500 worth of clothes that i may never wear, but maybe i will finally dress in pants and shirts {and ties?} instead of the fancy sweats i wear most of the time these days, for years, actually... yes, so i actually bought three pair of semi-dress pants and three ties and at least twice three shirts {that would be six, or a half dozen, at least, aye?} and two pair of shoes, or some sort of footwear and a jacket for cooler softball nights and a jacket for smoking, not that i smoke, but it's one of those smoking jackets you might find worn by alcoholic writers obscurely drifting through life on the left bank {of paris, of course}, which might make me cooler than i am if i wear it to the local poetry slams or something like that)...

yes, so anyway, i was a bit perturbed that i missed this $229 netbook and every best buy in florida is sold out except one and that one is between miami and ft. lauderdale and i am going to be in ft. lauderdale friday through sunday, so i tried to order it online but the site wouldn't work for some reason and...

i puased there for assorted reasons and then returned to find myself babbling so the entry, for the most part, was moved as expressed here in the next paragraph, after which, i will be elsewhere (see RealTime)...

this is a babbling entry that belongs in the babbling place that was not supposed to be RealTime, but became RealTime cuz it was easier and faster to manuever around blogger than diaryland even in the days of crappy internet connection like these days, but before this goes on any further and turns thereal into a babbling place, which was not the intention, i shall move these words and summarize somewhat, or something like that...

meanwhile, i ought to get some sleep and stop stuffing my face with banana nut crunch cuz today is thanksgiving and i am supposed to meet a friend or few for dinner somewhere and it might be appropriate to actually be hungry and eat something... so i shall thank you for visiting threal today and most likely continue babbling elsewhere cuz i am in a babbling mood...

miss you too :}

eat less, sleep more, exercise more

(in that order)... for lack of full REM cycles is catching up with the aging brain and lack of sleep is catching up with the aging body and over-eating is weighing both down and raising the blood pressure to unhealthy levels (that's a sense-judgment as i don't make time to check the actual blood pressure these days for the same reason the place i live in is a wreck, no time for picking up behind myself, no time for laundry or dishes or cleaning or straightening or anything short of quick showers and minimal washings to have minimal clean clothes and kitchen stuff for minimal basic hygiene and cleanliness and such and that is both physically and psychologically uncomfortable so return to title and repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat until it is actualized again)...

not that i was ever anywhere near an obedient child, but i could really use a good parent right now...

and the little duckling says... are you my mother?...

for no apparent reason

sometimes i put off uploading a new entry because the current entry is pure genius, or more precisely, poignantly full of some information i with everyone could and would read and if i put another entry out there, that current entry slips into the abyss of the archives where some of the most brilliant (or personally representative of me) entries sit unnoticed for years or even, forever... so rather than delay the pending flood of entries that are bubbling up today in the few hours i have to sit and vegetate here in front of the computer and tv (not that there's anything on the boob toob around here on saturdays), i will include links to the profoundly vital entries i am overstating with delusions of grandeur and poor spelling right here and elsewhere as i ramble on today and possibly, other days as well (look for them, that's the game, even more of a build-up, aye?... ah, the self-mockery of self-importance and arrogance of narcissism still amuses me after all these years)... and since we know you wouldn't have been able to sleep tonight if you didn't know this, you can thank me later... and so, onward...

yes, in the interest of your sanity and future children we might have, let it be known that you must have all of the qualities (did ya see, did ya see?... it's a link!... shhhh, don't tell anybody) and more to get close to me, though if you hum a few bars you can fake it for a while, especially if loneliness is strong, but then you need to know that we only would be sharing fantasy bubbles that burst at random moments (even if they are euphoric and/or orgasmic before they do), so forewarning and all that, aye... seriously, your sense of humor must be flexible or it'll brobably break trying to keep up with mine (mine does pilates in it's sleep) if you really want to get close and try to know me... one test could be if you laugh at, and more importantly with craig ferguson, then you may have enough silliness in your sense of humor to appeal to my lofty tom-snootery (you'll have to write in for the definition if you don't already get it)... ah, but you may already misunderstand and be put off by your limited mind...

meanwhile, if you really know (or study, which requires a post doctorate degree, but kindergarteners have been known to get it too) a look at my history it should relieve any sense of offensive superiority you might have assumed i assumed, or presumed, or consumed, for that matter as the power of words demolishes any modicum of composure anyone might have when they arrive (but before you start thinking it's just like old times, i give you the word and remind you that you really don't know what's going on or what is real until you look into my eyes and sit and talk honestly for a spell cause all this internet babbling is fun and amusing (to me, at least), but cuz i love to play with my head, your head might get played with as well and even though i mean no harm, you might find confusion in my delusions and if we don't share the same illusion then misunderstanding is likely to follow, so take me with a grain, or a truckload of salt, for that matter, ya folla?...

are we having fun yet? :)

back to real time

yeah, woke early (reasons elsewhere if you can find them) semi-listening to mediocre and unappealing local (and when i say local, i mean the south) football cuz there is nothing worth watching on local network tv on saturdays and i still live in this place where cable is not available and the sat services suck so i don't pay for them and the att internet service sucks so i don't stream anything while stuffing more pizza into this bloating body (must get strick with food for a few weeks after today... i wonder how many days this week i said this?... ok then, soon, i hope), i choose to relax, rest, and vege for a few hours the first time in way too long (must take a week off and give the time to me... taking a week off at the end of this month, but not home and giving the time to others from thursday through monday, dangit, fun fun fun, but no time for me... so must try to take another week off in the next few months... sooner, please)...

tonight is another game night, in the neighborhood this time... and there are two other party invites further away, but with fatigue extremely high and an early sunday wake-up for double header tomorrow, i'm choosing to stay close to home and may skip late night stops at the two parties...

life at home again

the evenings i spend at home are few and far between these days as the calendar on the right would attest (and there are usually a couple of last minute things that never get on to the calendar each week), so tonight was interesting and i noticed the air conditioner is broken once again... they really have let this once luxury apartment complex rot away from the inside and i really must find time to look elsewhere as i can get a whole lot nicer place for the money i am paying here... and i could pay a whole lot less for similar digs, so the question is to spend and live in more luxury or to save and life in more plain frugality and the looking around will is what is needed before i decide...

so the air conditioner froze up once again... it can't seem to handle the pressure when i drop the thermostat below 80 degrees (it's even worse when i do some cooking)... i'll have to find time to get the maintenance people up here next week... or tomorrow, but i'd really like to tidy up a bit before i have the management folk up here...

so i pigged out on semi-home-made pizza and did some of the dishes and watched the world series and rested... and here we are, back to the moments in the real in real time and all that stuff that nobody seems to pay attention to anyway, but that'll be the pondering of the next entry, i think...

hope you had a good night too :)

yeah, another all night long

while a local congress person (who was my congress person until i moved last year and now she is by a few streets) rocks the boat and might give some the impression of mental instability (or is it just bold unabashed shoot-from-the-hip candor?) which would not be surprising given the mentality of the local area, but then, ain't that america (cha cha cha)... yeah, that's why i do it, i mean, that's why i babble on ridiculously leaving you wondering if i have lost my mind or maybe i'm just a an irresponsible jerk or immature goofball or something like that because i want madness on my resume when i run for office... gonna vote for me?...

well, anyway, as i pack away a package of keebler fudge sticks (yes, the whole package) and half a pound of nuts (cashews and pistachios) and the government pours another few billion dollars into the richest pockets in america (the top five of the fortune 500 companies seem to be getting our tax dollars more than anyone... where's our bailout?... is this the fiddling while the country burns?... what's the real, tell me what's a happening), i'll be heading out to work soon cuz i am just responsible like that...

are we having fun yet? :}

life is busy

working extra hours regularly and on call three of the four weekends this month, but just as busy away from work as softball monday nights, tuesday nights, thursday nights, and sundays fills the calendar (linked on the right there, in case you want to know and forgot) and then some game nights and tonight, dinner with the pink pussies of facebook (hey, it's a dining club friends have put together, look it up, tell them bugs sent you... you know, the internet is a weird place so we all adapt online to have fun with the cyber delusions)...

it was lobster night at the ale house so we met and manged and managed to have much fun... and then coming home i stop for some chocolate and find a favorite cookie on sale (but two packages and get one free) so i did and now there's chocolate in the house (and nuts, did i mention nuts?) and the slacker slips a bit further back into the piggy habits and nearer to the 190 limit i thought i set for myself weeks ago when i was teasing the 180 mark (weight talk, ya know)...

tomorrow i'll be at work super early to prepare for the quality council and then have a web meeting in the afternoon and then softball in the evening and dinner if i can get to it with some friends and then friday it's halloween at work and i'll be in super early decorating the back office area which turns into a haunted hallway for the kids and by friday afternoon i'll be a zombie and will i sleep?... that's doubtful on a friday night, but at least there's nothing planned, i think...

so am i alone in life because nobody wants to keep up with me or because i'm moving too fast from fun to work to fun to actually pause and meet someone and nobody wants to meet on the run or is it just my love of garlic?...

sense of humor, gotta have one... hope you do too :)