staying home

that has been the way, the choice, in recent months... prior to the last two weeks the primary reason has been financial as the loss of half of my secret savings to theft created the choice to get strict with spending for a while, ideally until the funds are replenished but since that is not happening and will not likely happen for many months if not years, the secondary reason for the choice to stay home has been depression as betrayal brings back all the loss of hope and faith in humanity (or at least in the one actually existing) i've felt over this lifetime (from birth as abandonment was my first experience in this life) and i struggle to hang on to whatever hope and faith i can (the impossible dream and incorrigible stubbornness survives somewhere inside, i just need healing time as numb consumes pain and life slowly springs back to pop through the numb like seedling sprout through a mudslide or even volcanic ash) and so, onward through the dust and storm... or something like this, or that, whatever it is...

it is all about choices and tonight i made a reasonably good choice for the body as excess weight has been hanging around for too long and it is time to make that change... so the past couple of weeks the and tonight the choice to stay home is primarily to avoid the temptation for eating (since social life is so much about sharing food and this culture is so dominated by food choices everywhere and anywhere outside of the wilderness and i have no desire to go sit in the middle of nowhere these days)... anyway, the tv provides background noise and the computer provides various stimulations, including the writing that has been life for the mind more than anything else in this life other than intimate sharing which requires someone who can relate to me and my perspective, which is rare, so staying home feels good for now...

accomplishing a goal is a good thing if i survive...

narf :)