torn between two lovers

not in the romantic sense, just to clear that up right off the top... nope, i am torn between the love of physical exercise and fitness and sharing sensuality with the love of food... and tonight, food wins again cuz i've got chocolate creme pie in the fridge... seriously chocolate... turkey burgers for dinner before the pie... finally used the george foreman... i sort of figured out how... now to figure out how to take it apart to clean it... tiny kitchen... a yogurt as an appetizer...

but the edward's chocolate creme pie, ahhhhhh...

i never really got that close to anyone i guess... and as much as i wanted to be wanted and needed and as much as i gave and felt needed, the real emotional connection that creates that loving needing bonds just doesn't seem to happen... i wonder if it ever did... maybe once... i wonder how she's doing now (her name was sandy, in case you didn't know)... not sure if it was there for anyone else like amy or shari or barb or... oh, am i using real names?... maybe, the att fiasco wiped out the gardens of one where all the real and fantasies morphed into all the names that started the written gardens online (and i was much less creative in naming blog names back then), so anything is possible and the more obscure and inconsistent (or consistent) i am, the more their privacy is protected, after all... what?... well, for me, it's kind of pretty much the opposite... i bond unconditionally with just about anybody i let in and give everything i've got and create the illusion of a permanent inseparable bond and love and want and need (family, from sibling to parent-child to best friend to whatever, though not the fall in love romantic fantasy for some time) and the pain of separating aches for a long time for me... even as i realize it's just my illusion, no matter how intense it feels, and i was never nearly as important or vital to the other person...

the pie is so yummy though...

and so nobody knows...

narf :}