what i means is... sometimes i will leave an entry out there as the 'current entry' for a lot longer than it would ordinarily be the first entry seen by holding off on uploading entries because i want the entry i leave up to be seen more and not just blink into the archives like most entries do which is the case at the moment as i am hoping the blog family finds the new message i left... so this is the third entry uploaded later than it was written and actually there were more than a dozen entries written after the blog family lullaby (weak as it is to call it that) though several ended up in other blogs and the feelings that rose up were cuz i was sharing the deeper feeling without distraction (rare moments these days as nobody around here is interested, yeah, wah wah wah and all that self-pity crap... i don't find much of that lately... wonder if that's why i don't write as much... wonder if that's a sign of dwindling hope for actual meaningful intimate sharing in this life... and wasn't meant to be snarks from somewhere in the back of my mind and that bit of hopelessness comes straight from toronto, thanks a lot... ah, all the deeper webs have so much dust on them these days...
the bandaid i put on my finger cuz i cut too deep into my left index nail cuz the only nail clipper i can find cuz all the others are lost in boxes cuz i don't feel like unpacking them all even after two years of living here and the lease is up in two months again but that's not why i am wearing the bandaid on my finger, that's cuz the clippers broke so i used a larger scissor and the band aid is falling off which may be considered eerily symbolic of the current mood... not a good time to be getting calls from work while heading out for softball all alone again, naturally, but that's life at the moment...
another entry saved for upload later after the blog family entry (you remember? gets more time and another more positive entry can rise to the surface...
mttm, remember?...
narf :)
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