i ask myself, sometimes with a laugh and sometimes with a whine, sometimes with wonder and innocence and sometimes with fatigue and desperation, what do i want from me... here, in these words, this apparent addiction to writing, to pouring myself into the written word, at times with reason and rhyme and at times, whatever might be... can the comma be abused?... as if i concern myself with grammatical etiquettes or rules as i write, aye?... it is the play, the experimentation and novelty and reaching for something new, something that has not been done before, an expression that through sheer will of difference, inspires a curious smile... is that what i want from me?...
it's a beginning :)
it's interesting. i asked myself a similar question the other day when i tried writing again. The kind of writing where you really dive into something, a memory, a thought, a feeling. What i wrote lasted about an hour before it got vaporized with the delete key. . Seems words more and more are becoming less and less in my world.
ReplyDeleteguess it's all just a big experiment, huh?
hope work is settling in with you and vice versa. Haven't caught up here since your first day. Mostly, hoping the sleep, wake, eat schedule thingie is beginning to take some shape that is feeling okay for your well being.
what sleep, wake, eat schedule?...
ReplyDeleteyeah, so i was about to head out to lunch and i waited a half hour cuz it was still before noon and in walks an auditor and she stayed until after 5pm and i picked up some cheese brauts on the way to the game and got home a little bit ago and lost a couple of hours on facebook and here we are...
any wonder why "of course i should be sleeping" was the title of my first online blog? :)
lol... lam... laa...
work is wonderful... challenging and fun and supportive and i am the boss, mostly... doesn't get too much better than that when working i suppose...
everything is an experiment, big and small... trial and error... writing is as much as life itself... especially when it is a game, as the child in me plays everything somehow instinctively knowing it is momentary... gone in a poof... might as well make it fun as long as we're here...
our taxes were spent to the tune of 20 billion dollars a year to air condition iraq and afghanistan for many years, after all... imagine what we could do with 20 billion dollars a year?... life is even more absurd than that most of the time, so taking it seriously is a form of madness that pretends to be the norm, but the norm is actually anything but normal, or rational, even...
laugh or cry, it's a choice... i prefer to laugh most of the time, not that i don't cry over all the spilled milk (and blood( in the world, but i prefer to laugh at the absurdity of it all rather than cry over the cruelty and injustice that is everywhere...
narf, even :)