sleeping thoughts

the musical journey pauses... sigh... the wonder and excitement and tsunami of... oh, here, this is how i explained it earlier (with expansion for clarity for you who do not know the details and history known by the person i was writing to)... i am not spiraling into memories and all the precarious balance and delicate sensitivity and lament and depressing stuff of days gone by and fractured dreams and broken promises and torturous betrayals and brutal mistakes and (you may know this loop, hope you don't go there much), yeah - really i'm not (grinning, hope it shows through, really i do :)

i was completely taken by surprise by the music and words i found in a 2008 message from an old lover who knew me as well as anybody in this life and the tinge of sadness of what could have been and what was missed (in the 90s and if i actually listened to the music in 2008) was just one distant star in a superbly sparkling sky of wonder and excitement and creative inspiration... profound and personally meaningful as the words and songs were (and i admit the little one listened and simply said "really?... me?... really?" over and over again {asking - do you mean it, really? and am i worth it, really? and is this about me, really? and so on as the collection of songs had more than a few that touched on who i am} as the music mix played deeper and deeper into my psyche cuz the words touched the core of my bi-polar extremes of wonder, hope, doubts, and insecurities), the timing was as perfectly positive as it could have been (aided by the fact that i have time to really listen and feel, almost) and i so hope my excitement (which has calmed much since the entry here three days ago when a tsunami blast from the past sent me floating way out into the deep) has settled into a wonderful peaceful cruise i am enjoying immensely without analyzing and picking apart as i so often have done (though the creative kids are itching to share creativity and feedback and all the fun of the fair that used to nurture the written gardens and that was the best touch of all, the visceral memory and the actual feeling of the actual emotional-physical touch of the written gardens)...

thank goodness the ncaa tournament and all the predictive number play (and softball and parties offline) has me distracted from the potential abyss of sadness over the lack of music and creative sharing that is reality in this life today, aye? :)

ah, sleeping thoughts are such a tease lol lam :)