good nap but

waking to the sound of happiness gulping as he is licking his penis and groin and butt and smelling urine is not a pleasant experience... he seems to do this a lot, like every few hours at least, and i wonder if he is drinking his urine or if it is the urine from when he pees on his feet that i am smelling... in either case, the gulping combined with the smell is pretty gross... i'm gonna have to get up and turn on the light and check the carpet... maybe walk him... like a baby, a dog is a full time job...

ok, back from a very unruly walk (he was all over the place as if he hasn't been out in days almost tripping me a few times and he went out more this weekend than he has in many months... wonder what goes on in his head... he is definitely itching like crazy... i put his eardrops in his ears, but he is a ball of itching, especially his penis, groin, and butt... other than itching, i wonder if the high pitched squeak of the pipes from the washer is bugging him as his hearing is going and the sound isn't usually around this much cuz we typically do a wash, maybe two, and that's it but the past 30 hours or so i've done at least eight washes {3 towels, 1 white, 1 dress clothes, 2 t-shirts {at least), 1 casual clothes, maybe another 1 or 2... yeah, i mentioned somewhere that the laundry had piled up a while)...

so aside from the urine odor and gulping sounds, and the loneliness (oh, did we think that was not under it all?... and could the loneliness be and ansi neediness that he is feeling as itching in some way?... the mind is a strange place and who knows how we communicate non-verbally, really, but anyway), i am awake mostly cuz i slept a solid four hours (my sleep block, in case you forgot) and if i was in my bed i might have rolled over and fallen back to sleep or i might have rolled over and come to the words as this is my most comfortable rhythm... i look at the phone and the time and nobody i know is awake to chat at this hour... tv?... yuck, but what other social sounds might i hear?... chat rooms?... where are they now?... here?... maybe another night... there is on-demand and i missed eureka and other shows this week on tv... gonna take a shower... and then check the tv...

wish you were here :}