owie

or is it owweeeee!... well, pain is so subjective it is challenging to quantify even for the same individual) even with hundreds of scientific questions)... for instance, i have an extremely high tolerence for pain most of the time, but certain areas of the body are much more nagging and would be much higher on the pain scale for me than others... my shins, for instance, send much more intrusive pain into my brain than most other parts of the body... i've passed jagged kidney stones that took 30 hours to get out and torn tissue causing bleeding for that entire period... i've broken bones... various other pains too... but a shone blow can distract me and nearly disable me for a few days (which is why i wear shin pads on my legs when i play softball)...

unfortunately, some balls hit just to the side of the pad (or so hard) that the shin is not protected by the pad and that is what happened this morning as i was practicing with a few people... it didn't help that the field was muddy at the pitcher's mound and even mushier in the batter's box so the right (plant) foot and shin muscles were overworked and hurting after the first hitting cycle... nor did it help that i slept just three hours, if that much, and felt really bloated and needed to poop big time halfway through the practice (hey, tmi is in the eye of the beholder, ya know?) and there were no bathrooms around... so my fielding was sluggish and after about two hundred pitches (which includes two hundred bend over and pick up a ball and at least a dozen fielding plays), I decided not to bend and just kicked the back and either the shin pad was turned sideways or i turned my foot slightly or both and owweeeee! dangit!... i kept pitching and kept practicing but walking is now extremely painful... hopefully a bone is not chipped... not much swelling yet, so blood vessels are intact... maybe it's a tendon bruise... we shall see...

i am rambling in an attempt to distract myself but it is not working... nothing is on tv and i watched everything on the dvd and i'm not getting up to find a dvd i might want to watch and jackson is working and she doesn't have time to nurse me anyway and wah wah wah... elevation and icing is happening right now... i want a mommy...

i wonder if i will ever again find someone who can really accept and love all of me since i can be as stubbornly independent as i can be infantile needy (though the latter inspires self-laughter and the former is just natural selection learned as an infant survival instinct, but neither is tolerated will by the average human cuz it's just too extreme cuz i do everything all the way and gives even more than i want, but this parenthese and paragraph may be another attempt to distract and it isn't working either)...

narf, dangit!...