aloneness

i really need more sleep, but a few hours at a time is all i seem to be getting lately and four to five hours a night seems to be the average and that is not good... work stress (and just too much work) and loneliness are the two primary factors that lead to awakeness and over-eating (which adds to awakeness) and there is just so much to do and so little time... like i've got to confirm trips to knoxville and columbus this week so i can get good rates on air, car, and a place to stay... and laundry, i really need to do laundry (right, which means not leaving the clothes in the washer or dryer overnight... or for a week)... and i've got to get some pants to the cleaners... and shopping, i am out of healthy food and have been eating pasta and stuff that is cheap, but fattening... and exercise, oh man does this body need exercise (and it would relieve stress and help me sleep more than anything)... and batting cages exercise too cuz my core is weak and flabby again (it happens so fast) and my arms have shrunk and gotten weak... but this aloneness has ne awake after a brief nap...

i've understood alone and had hope that i would not always be alone from the beginning as i wrote those words just linked when i was still in single digits in terms of years alive in this life... jackson not keeping in touch doesn't help... sure she's a big girl, but this is her first solo cross country road trip and it would be nice to know she is not laying on the side of the road somewhere... or worse... it's so easy to find stressors in this life when one is close to people... it is so much less stressful being an alien just wandering through... but it is lonelier sometimes... this is one of those times...

narf :}