when i found out she stole money from my emergency fund, the betrayal stung so much i went numb... that was the day i spent $200+ on melissa ethridge tickets (the concert is in two days and it is a painful reminder) and $200+ on dinner... numb is still the overall state of being two months later, partly because there are no clear signs that anything has changed and partly because there is no processing without me forcing it like pulling teeth and so there is minimal healing... and there is no one to talk to about it... and that aloneness adds to the obstacles to healing... without resolution, there is no peace... and yet i go on as positively as i can on the surface, caring care of business and giving as much as i can... cuz that is my way... no matter how much it hurts...
still, it is not easy without walking away and moving on and i am not doing that... so i ride the roller coaster and hope for peace... and hope for hope... and sigh...
sigh...
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