only human

i've been playing ruzzle most of the night instead of sleeping or doing anything else... it is a deeper hunger i feel tonight... a hunger for sensory indulgeance, an oral hunger focus on the taste buds (cuz there's nobody around to kiss and i don't feel like just going out and randomly finding someone hanging out at the usual human hangouts who mich be available for many reasons)... it's a wonderfully insatiable craving that i have turned off all week (even wednesday when i went out to dinner with the team) but being awake most of the last 48 hours (or maybe it's 36, whatever, it is definitely enough to mimic the euphoric splendor or carefree enjoyment of life's sensual pleasures (and munchies) that comes from smoking the wacky weed, even though i have not in many years), i am letting myself be overwhelmed by it and the result has been three bowls of cereal and a bit of chcolate milk but it had not been enough... the italian taste buds are demanding something, well, tomato and cheese flavored, so i am placating the buds with a hot pocket... and then another... and then, another... hey. at least it is not a whole pepperoni pizza with extra cheese which would ordinarily, based on the patterns of behaviors of the past few years, be the minimum pig-out for this sort of mood...

a set back from the body's perspective, because i am quite certain that i dropped it's weight down under 210 this week, but i feel like being only human tonight... what a wonderful excuse to destroy the planet, screw up anything that might save the planet, undermine relationsips, poisoning the body, and generally live more to die than to live short of actually committing complete suicide, being only human...

sigh :}