alas, dangit

just when i was thinking how wonderful it was to feel a yay! at the conclusion of an entry, i find frustration again... caring as much as i do does that... unfortunately, jackson's plans changed and i will vent my frustration about that elsewhere in a private blog out of respect for her privacy, but grrrrrr... i hate hiding as i believe that is the root of all self-destruction (and evil)...

i must say this here for my own peace of mind - i will do my best not let her irresponsibility stop me from taking care of myself as i should anymore... i wish this venting was not necessary but the frustration comes from caring about her and depending on her to be responsible and she doesn't want to deal with her irresponsible choices... and this (writing) is my way to peace and i will take care of me...

i will not do her any good if i am not loving me... we can't love anyone else if we are not loving ourselves... another very important self-reminder... so clear after some good sleep...

i wish everyone would understand how honesty sets us free...