there's a lot of writing on this theme in my babbles over the years... the core concept is that no matter how big or bad my fears, no matter how sad or traumatic life gets, no matter how much i cry, in the end, i see rainbows through my tears... the lyrical play and deeper writings related to that are no longer on the web (i think), but the memories are beautiful... oh so beautiful... even if nobody shares them ever again (oh how sad), or today, at least (there's that's a better illusion, or reality, depending on perspective)... you can follow the links to older blogs in this entry to explore more (and i love you for caring to if you do, or even if you don't i love you for wanting to)...
these days i do not delve deep enough for the tears except in rare moments usually inspired by some audio-video (film or show) stimuli as i have insulated myself to the deeper emotional memories inside... i could be watching it's a wonderful life which is on tv right now, for instance, but the commercials kill the mood and as i said, i am skimming the surface these days... on one level i have no need for the tears alone anymore and on another, i leave the deeper delving for a time those memories and emotions might be shared by someone who wants to know me that deeply...
i still see rainbows in my mind though :)
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