starving for interaction

even more than attention, which i certainly want as proven by my attention whorish entries that pour out every now and then, but even more, i am starving for interaction... and yet, i do not go out to enjoy the interactions available to me more often than not... that is because the interaction i crave is more intense, more intellectual, more intimate, more personal, and more creative (at least) and more balanced (oh, so key) than the interaction found in most social gatherings... and some might suggest that you create the interactions you want to have wherever you are, that there are no rules to what sort of interaction you must have in specific situations... the obstacle is that interaction takes at least two people and while other people can be controlled (manipulated) into sharing differently than they were prepared to do (or intending to do), that is not the balance i am seeking...

so i look into eyes when i am out with people and i wait for someone to look back with the same message i am sending, the message that says i want more than this...

yeah, i know i will not find that by staying home, but there are days when i would rather enjoy the superficial by myself at home than deal with the superficial out with people... the reason for that is at home, i don't pretend... but people are not honest in public... pretentiousness is relative, but everybody does it... it repulses me and i've learned not to confront it, i do my best not to react to or in any way point out the pretenses and lies people live because that appears to make people uncomfortable... the pretenses hide insecurities and exposing them, well, it's 2 plus 2...

all that to clarify the title i suppose, i am starving for real interaction, honest interaction, interaction humans rarely seem willing to share...