not really awake as in enlightened or clarity of mind, but awake in the sense of moving around... shower, dog, dress, dog, and head out to shop and find the party (forgot the address, call ahead, wrong number, call someone else, run around in circles, car: please don't overheat)...
yeah, so part of me really wants to sleep and part of me really wants to stay home and write (as if there is so much value in this mindless babbling for anyone but me, or even me) and part of me wants to fly away somewhere and part of me wants to sigh... part of me wants to throw a pity party cuz i have no partner in life anymore and while i am comfortably independent and happy alone, i miss sharing intimacy and partnering in sharing life and i miss someone who cares enough about me to make me #2 (second to themselves) in their life... and so what?... fatigue from lack of consistent sleep influences everything today, so clarity is cloudy and who cares?...
ah, but still heading out to the party cuz that's the best i can do for the moment... i hope you choose to do what is best for you too :)
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