still no sleep

yes, well, so i stayed up yesterday because i did not want to miss my haircut appointment cuz she is jackson's regular hair stylist and not just anybody (yes, i wrote haircut) and i did not want to miss lunch with jackson's friend who came down today cvuz they are going away for a long weekend starting thursday (and yes, jealous i am, key west they will be... nobody's ever taken me away for a long weekend vacation... heck, i haven't gone away on a vacation of any sorts by myself or with anyone since the 90s, alas, woe is me, blah blah blah)...

meanwhile, i am still awake... i did take a nap for maybe an hour or a bit more some times in the late afternoon but then i stayed up for dinner, yummy made by jackson's friend, and then watched tv and played games long into the night and well look at that, the sun is coming up... the eyes don't want to focus much and the brain is laughing at me and the body is numbish and yet, i am not falling asleep...

is this insomnia, or is this consciousness that does not want to sleep because i don't want to miss a thing and have so much unfinished business rising to the surface on my consciousness and also have anxiety from the non-quite moving job search that drives me to return to the computer to search some more and send out more resumes cuz i don't want to miss a job and yet i am torn because i want (and deserve) some time off away from work work work life i've known for the past 11 years without any real vacation... but how long can the heart go on without sleep?...

shhhh, maybe i will sleep later...