just a little desperation never hurt anyone, right?

dear happiness is determined to dominate my morning... in spite of a long walk earlier (which included peeing himself dry and a poop), he's been staring constantly and begging for attention non-stop... he also scarfed down his food so fast he threw some of it up undigested... of course he had to come and deposit it in front of the couch... so much anxiety over his momma being gone, i feel for him, but i would like to be able to feel for myself too and focus on what i need to do to find a job and even more, find somebody to... i suppose identifying exactly what i would like from someone might help (and smirking is not the solution ya know)...

well, there's the sex, but that's the easiest part to define (libido is so very shallow... wanna see?... yeah, it's called libboland, what about it? lol lam)... but the genitals and body are way too easy to satisfy (even though libbo is not) and the choice to stay alone is not libbo's alone to make... it's a depth of security and independence and clarity of healthy rational thinking and comfort within their own skin and actualization of these qualities that i seek most of all and i've yet to meet another human being close up and personal quite there (or even close)...

and happiness is back staring and nuzzling for attention... maybe it's cuz jackson's alarm has been going off all morning... i thought i switch it to off, but apparently not... i unplugged it, but it apparently has a battery back up... i switched a few dials, but i guess i'm gonna have to get up again and bring it into the light and read the dials to figure out how to turn it off... and that set happiness off into begging all the more (poor baby with his where's momma? eyes :)

so where were we?... oh, whatever, lost the train of thought... maybe it's time to play senile and check myself into an old age home... surely that's where i'll meet the one (hey, sarcasm is not gonna stop the hands of time and i'll be there eventually, alas, but let's leave old age for when there's no way to avoid it, m'ok?)...

let's see, i've got two hours to have a little breakfast (leftover cut fruit from when jackson's friend made dinner), take a shower, dress (the foot takes a bit of wrap time), walk happiness again (even though he is quite used to a walk in the morning and then not going out again for 10+ hours until evening, he's so pathetic at the moment that i will indulge him), and head to meet a friend for lunch... i'll try to leave the desperation at home :}