kind bummed

just took a look at my finances (which i never do, remember?) and discovered that unless i cut out some monthly expenses (like the $250 a month phone bill that three other people share but only one actually shares when the bill comes around) and the $130 a month cable internet bull and the $165 a month storage bills and the $50 a month softball bill (at least) and the $50 a month party expense (at least) and… various other sundries like food and gas (which i probably put close to $800 a month into cuz i eat out a lot) the phone bill has got to come down… either the payments come in from those who share lines on the account or i’ve got to close the accounts… i could easily have a phone bill of about $100 for just myself with a data plan and text and such…

the kinda bummed part comes from realizing i should not buy a new car… the kicker is jackson plans on moving up north in august or September which leaves me with the two bedroom until february and actually counting dollars tells me without cutting back i will not be taking on a $200 or more monthly payment until at least then and even then, one bedrooms are not much cheaper… the car, however, will not wait until then… and there i go looking at cutting into savings again… due to loaning money and helping the past few years, i’ve cut my savings by 60%, which tears any thought of retirement anytime in the next ten years up but good… did i think the car would last forever?... well, no, but with $2000 or so it should last another few years, easy… it’s only got 81,000 miles on it and cars made in this millennium easily go over 100,000 and then some… it’s just never had a tuneup or transmission tune up or that kind of good stuff cuz it never needed it until now…

it is so much easier, at least financially, to share life’s expenses… another roommate?... not in this place i think, it really is cramped… move again, dangit, i am so tired of moving… am i feeling drained and used up and discarded again?... could be…

so i am going to a buffet tonight and stuffing my face, hope you have fun too :)