much offline, a little on

a lot to do, day after day, work a lot, but even when not working, play a lot... softball, dinners, tv, play with happiness, cook, clean, laundry, eat, and somehow socialize with a larger group of friends... much less lonely now that jackson lives here, muck less motivation to go out and spend money, so much less seeing large groups... unfortunately, that reduces the relationship/romance possibilities dramatically... so on the deeper dream of falling in love level, much more lonely, i guess...

i just don't seem to feel the ache as much as i used to... and that may just be due to a real reduction in the level of hope i've always counted on to keep my dreams alive... humans have disappointed me so much... sigh... alas... and so on...

and so, me too, in a much deeper sense, i am so much offline, so little on... and the saddest cut of all is that nobody knows... and maybe that means nobody really cares, but that is life... we are all so busy doing what we do that we spend so little time on, truly being ourselves relaxed sharing the depths... and we wonder if anybody cares...

i care...