and the intensity

and i clean, and i read, and i listen, and i sort, and i see and i remember, and i ponder and i feel... and i clean, and i read, and i listen, and i file away the memories and injuries and rhapsodies in blue... and i clean, and i read, and i listen, and i find new tears and laughter in the things that remind me that life is real... and i clean, and i read, and i listen, and i re-arrange the story and rebuild the life on what i knows is true... so i have something real in thereal that i can offer to you... so i have something real in thereal to share, cuz sharing is what i want to do...

yeah, so, it is time to explore inside... and i realize how far i have come from myself, how much i have turned away from my dreams, how far down i have turned my energy, and the intensity, how weak it has become... or un-become, in fact, as i have too...

what difference does it make to those who know me as i am today?... and who would want me to return to the intensity i once creative within this body?... who would want me to return to the focus i once created within this mind?... who would want me to return to the passion i once created within this heart?... who would want me to return to the eternal infibity i once created within the ethereal (some might call spiritual) energy of consciousness called me?...

when all it inspired was fear and all the branches of fear - discomfort, jealousy, greed, selfishness, and worse, negative actions against me... so what will become of this weekend?... probably the same that has become of all the other writings of depth and substance and pondering personal experiences in this human life...